Monday, March 10, 2008

Long, long ago...

I last blogged.

Seriously, I know am slacking. But I thought I would post tonight because I felt too guilty reading everyone else's posts. How do you all do it? I seem to be a feast-or-famine blogger. Oh well!

It has been an interesting few days. We got "realigned" to a new church congregation last week, and so now we get to start at square one. Not that I am complaining, I actually like the clean-slate feeling. Now I can have another chance to be a 100% visiting teacher! Why is that always my first thought? Obviously I feel guilty about my past performance, eh?

But my real thoughts are centered right now on consequences and service. Not really two-of-a-kind, right? Well, hear me out. I am learning that the choices we make in life have consequences (duh!). However, often we don't know what those consequences will be until long after we have made the choice. We may think we can coast and not do hard things, but there is always a consequence for choosing the "easy way". This past weekend I saw some consequences in my own life because I was coasting along, not wanting to make tough changes. It made me sad, but I didn't have anyone to blame but myself. I have been thinking a lot about future consequences I don't want to have in my life, and trying to make better choices. I think deep down inside I am actually pretty wimpy. I don't embrace change. Rather, I run from it kicking and screaming. (emphasis on the screaming part :) But I am learning that I don't want to be a 60-year-old who is woefully immature and selfish. I don't even want to be a 35-year-old who is that way! So I guess I just have to bite the bullet and grow up!

The other part of my thoughts centers on service. As a person trying to become more Christ-like, I know I need to serve others (most especially my family). But it doesn't always come naturally. I have to prepare to serve. Everyday I need to be ready to do something more than I think I can. I am often reminded of a talk by Henry B. Eyring who said that he had the opportunity to learn Spanish from his father who (I think) grew up in the Colonies in Mexico. He didn't take advantage of it at the time, and then learned later that it was a poor choice he had made. He was not prepared to serve in certain capacities because he had made that choice. That made a huge impression on him, and obviously on me as well. What opportunities am I afforded each day? Am I taking advantage of my agency to choose the good and prepare myself to serve? Am I taking the easy way out, and will I be sorry later for that choice?

Don't get me wrong, I am not feeling all doom and gloom. I don't think that life is always a grind. I just think that doing hard things is hard for a time. It is always hard to start an exercise program, or an ambitious program of study or learning. But most of the time it does get easier over time as we grow accustomed to doing it. Then I believe it can even become a joy. (Boy, I will love the day when running becomes a joy to me!) I have experienced that with obedience. It is hard, even confining at first, and then you grow to love that rule or whatever you have obeyed. I can do hard things. I just have to remember that it is worth it! Someday, I will be prepared to serve in a way that I can't right now. Maybe, like Esther, I will be in a place and time designed specifically for what i can do and offer. And maybe that time is now, with my family. And maybe that preparation is me feasting each day on the scriptures and my relationship with Deity, and doing all I can to be my best.

So, the bottom line for me is CARPE DIEM! Do today what I can to be the woman I want to become.

1 comment:

The Vastbinders said...

I consider it my journal so I try to blog every other day or so sometimes everyday. :) Love your posts. :)