LOL

I just had to share something I read in Reader's Digest today.

"My husband had an eye infection that was diagnosed as ocular herpes. His physician wasn't about to let him live that one down. 'So Fred,' he joked, 'been looking for love in all the wrong places?'"

I guffawed, I tell you.

Being humbled

I am being humbled. I was just talking to Larry last night about change. I was asking him how he has done it. In the past, I have seen him muscle through change, and I have been amazed at how he has accomplished it. So I asked him, how do you do it? What is the thought process? How can I change the many things I need to change? He said two words: "Be humble."

Wow.

I never thought of that.

You may think I am speaking tongue-in-cheek, but unfortunately I am not. My mind immediately went to Ether 12:27:

"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness."

I see the weakness, or should I say weaknesses. But I never saw the first part--when we see our weakness that has come become we are drawing nearer to Him. That is comforting, isn't it? Kind of like a silver-lining sort of thing. Now to go on:

"I give unto men weakness that they may be humble;"

OK--so there is a purpose in this weakness thing. Not wallowing, but humbling. I remember someone once said that you can tell a lot about yourself if, when faced with a trial, you feel humbled or you feel humiliated. Humbled means you have faith, humiliated means you are a lone wolf, trying to save yourself.

"and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me;"

When we choose to be humble and ask for help, we get it. We let Him know that we know we are not lone wolves and that He is the most important part of the change cycle because He lifts us. His belief in us goes a long way in helping us to believe in ourselves.

"for if they humble themselves before, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."

Double WOW. There is the promise. The payoff for being humble. It is miraculous to me to know that the greatest challenges we have can become our greatest strengths. I know this is true, but not often enough for my taste. I guess that is all up to me--the "humble themselves" and "have faith in me" parts are my choice and privilege.

Case in point: I have never been a decisive person. I am a second-guessing, full-of-regretting, good-at-fretting, ask-everyone-their-opinion, change-my-mind-with-every-gust-of-wind kind of girl. But I made a very important decision once that absolutely changed my life for the better. It was a painful time, full of fear and doubt. But I hunkered down (after months of lone-wolfing it), called upon God in humility for help, and believed. Only after that was I able to make a decision and feel GREAT about it. I have never regretted that decision (ever), and that is HUGE for me. I know I did what I wanted, and it also pleased the Lord. That decision I made is a strength to me everyday. Weak things DID become strong for me. Ether was right!!

So why do I fight being humbled? Because it isn't fun. That brings me to another point. Life isn't always fun. Did I think it would be? Being a mom is tough. Did I think it would all be bon-bons and storytime? Didn't I realize there would be temper tantrums and spilled milk? Lies and sassiness? "Was this what I was born to do?"

I must say I have been blindsided by motherhood. But it is my own fault. I have always been a little bit too romanticized for real life. I must have thought that I would just become a wonderful mother without even preparing or even trying. Aren't we, as women, supposed to have untapped reservoirs of patience and love and wisdom that just bubble up when we get married and have families? What is wrong with me?

I didn't dream of having a family. I dreamed of having a career and doing amazing things. Don't get me wrong, I knew I would be a mom and have a family, it just wasn't what I dreamed about. I didn't even dream about my Prince Charming or my wedding day. That was all part of the deal, but it wasn't my aspiration. Now my aspirations are to have a peaceful home, far from being a brain surgeon or an attorney. (Deep down I really didn't want to do any of those things, I just wanted to be something and have people admire me. Yikes, that makes me sound so shallow, but it is the truth.)

However, the people I admire are those with talents that don't always show. Those people with quiet kindness, thoughtfulness, patience and love are the people I want to be like. I don't want the accolades of the working world anymore, I just want to be able to love and help my family. I am woefully ill-equipped for being a selfless mom. I think I never outgrew the self-centeredness of my teen years.

So, I am being humbled. Humbled for not preparing adequately for the challenges of my life. Yet, lest you think I am hopeless, I didn't say humiliated. I have faith that I can still make a difference in my family's life. My kids aren't totally doomed, yet! :) I love my family--every one of them. Each person is different, with individual talents and quirks. And I am in this mothering thing for the long haul. I am learning to have joy in the journey. One smile at a time. One hug at a time. I am definitely being humbled, but that just means I am becoming more like Him. Like a chunk of rock, I am being refined. I have decided that I am very dross-y, but that is ok. It will take me longer, but I will one day be a shining piece of gold. It is already inside of me, I just have to get rid of the stuff that keeps me from shining. Like President Eyring said the other night, I need to go toward the light, not away from it. Then one day I will be filled with light. I can't wait!

My challenge

When President Hinckley passed away, I decided to accept a challenge that I was offered: to read the Book of Mormon in 97 days. I remember thinking during the first week that this would be a piece of cake. I remember thinking one particular night, "Why wouldn't I just read 5 pages a day? What could keep me from doing this?" Well, I can't even begin to recite how many things can keep me from reading 5 pages a day. Needless to say, there are many!

What I need to say is how blessed I am when I read. Just yesterday morning, I got up at 4:30 a.m. and couldn't get back to sleep. So about 5:30 I decided to read in the Book of Mormon. I read for almost an hour, but I think I might have read just one chapter. I was in Mosiah 4 (a treasure trove of Christian teaching from King Benjamin), so that explains why I could read so little for so long. I've tried to internalize what I read as I go along and that takes time, which I am grateful to spend.

As I read about the people who saw their flaws and were sad about them, I could totally relate. I often have mini-pity parties about the flaws which are so present in my character. But I saw what the Nephites did and noticed a difference from what I usually do. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, they cried to the Lord for help. They cried for mercy. They didn't try to gloss over their nothingness, they accepted it and wanted help to move forward. What a great example of faith. It takes faith to move from "I'm such a mess" to "I can do better". We need to believe that we can change. That is where the Savior comes in. He believes in me. He believes that I was worth dying for. If He had thought that we would not take advantage of His atonement, would He have done it? Wouldn't it just have been in vain? Why go through that much pain and sorrow for no reason? But He had a reason. Us. You and me. He knew we could find strength in His suffering. He knew this strength could help me change. He knew that I could do it. Even if I don't know I can, I can look to His faith in me and be comforted. So often I feel I cannot surmount the challenges I face. I have bad habits; I have no willpower; I delight in sin; I cannot forsake my sins. It is a hopeless place to be. But He hopes I will look to Him and take solace in His faith in me. That is the only way to success. Maybe failure isn't failure at all if I keep trying. The only lasting failure will be if I don't change and grow into the person I can become. The day-to-day failures can one day be overcome if I don't give up. This is what the atonement does for me--it gives me hope that Someone far greater than me and far wiser believes in me. Even when I don't or I can't, He does. And that makes a difference. A huge difference. The beauty of the gospel of Jesus Christ is that He doesn't want me to stay a child--He wants me to become more--even a queen! There is nothing threatening to Him about my becoming like Him. Just as there should be nothing threatening about my children becoming more than I am. That is why we were created--to fulfill our eternal potential. He has given us the tools--scriptures, prophets, ordinances, temples, families, prayer. Now it is up to me to find the treasures in them that will change my life.

My new favorite groove!

Well, if I was cool like so many of you, I would actually provide a hyperlink to this person's music. However, I find that it is amazing to me that I even know the aforementioned term!

So, Michael Buble is my new favorite singer. Think Frank Sinatra for a different generation. I love Michael's rich voice, and I love singing and dancing around the kitchen while I do the dishes. I could listen to him ad nauseum (and do)!

Also, he kind of reminds me of my bro-in-law.

And, an added bonus--he's a Canuck! I bet he even watches Corner Gas! (all the cool people do, you know!)

Long, long ago...

I last blogged.

Seriously, I know am slacking. But I thought I would post tonight because I felt too guilty reading everyone else's posts. How do you all do it? I seem to be a feast-or-famine blogger. Oh well!

It has been an interesting few days. We got "realigned" to a new church congregation last week, and so now we get to start at square one. Not that I am complaining, I actually like the clean-slate feeling. Now I can have another chance to be a 100% visiting teacher! Why is that always my first thought? Obviously I feel guilty about my past performance, eh?

But my real thoughts are centered right now on consequences and service. Not really two-of-a-kind, right? Well, hear me out. I am learning that the choices we make in life have consequences (duh!). However, often we don't know what those consequences will be until long after we have made the choice. We may think we can coast and not do hard things, but there is always a consequence for choosing the "easy way". This past weekend I saw some consequences in my own life because I was coasting along, not wanting to make tough changes. It made me sad, but I didn't have anyone to blame but myself. I have been thinking a lot about future consequences I don't want to have in my life, and trying to make better choices. I think deep down inside I am actually pretty wimpy. I don't embrace change. Rather, I run from it kicking and screaming. (emphasis on the screaming part :) But I am learning that I don't want to be a 60-year-old who is woefully immature and selfish. I don't even want to be a 35-year-old who is that way! So I guess I just have to bite the bullet and grow up!

The other part of my thoughts centers on service. As a person trying to become more Christ-like, I know I need to serve others (most especially my family). But it doesn't always come naturally. I have to prepare to serve. Everyday I need to be ready to do something more than I think I can. I am often reminded of a talk by Henry B. Eyring who said that he had the opportunity to learn Spanish from his father who (I think) grew up in the Colonies in Mexico. He didn't take advantage of it at the time, and then learned later that it was a poor choice he had made. He was not prepared to serve in certain capacities because he had made that choice. That made a huge impression on him, and obviously on me as well. What opportunities am I afforded each day? Am I taking advantage of my agency to choose the good and prepare myself to serve? Am I taking the easy way out, and will I be sorry later for that choice?

Don't get me wrong, I am not feeling all doom and gloom. I don't think that life is always a grind. I just think that doing hard things is hard for a time. It is always hard to start an exercise program, or an ambitious program of study or learning. But most of the time it does get easier over time as we grow accustomed to doing it. Then I believe it can even become a joy. (Boy, I will love the day when running becomes a joy to me!) I have experienced that with obedience. It is hard, even confining at first, and then you grow to love that rule or whatever you have obeyed. I can do hard things. I just have to remember that it is worth it! Someday, I will be prepared to serve in a way that I can't right now. Maybe, like Esther, I will be in a place and time designed specifically for what i can do and offer. And maybe that time is now, with my family. And maybe that preparation is me feasting each day on the scriptures and my relationship with Deity, and doing all I can to be my best.

So, the bottom line for me is CARPE DIEM! Do today what I can to be the woman I want to become.

Happy Birthday Larry!

My sweetheart is almost forty! And proud of it! (well, not for two more years, but he's cool with it!) He rocks my world.

Isn't is wonderful when you spend so much time with someone (nearly all day everyday), and you're still not bored? Yea, I think so too.

Larry, you are my best friend. I can't think of anyone I'd rather spend eternity with, so I'm glad I'm "stuck" with you.

Have a wonderful day, full of chips, pop, pizza, movies, chocolate, twizzlers, hugs and kisses. (Gosh, do we have a food fixation or what?)

Here's to you, mom!

My mom is sitting here next to me complaining about the fact that she is too inept to blog. Methinks the lady doth protest too much!

So, I will subject you all (i know there are hordes of people reading this blog--although you'd never know it by the paltry amount of comments I get--wink, wink, nudge, nudge) to a boring blog entry so that I can show her how easy it is!

There, now, your punishment is now over.

Believe in what you're doing

I was listening to something this morning that really spoke to me.

It says:

"believe in what you're doing
believe in who you are
believe in who you're becoming
believe in who you are

hold tight to the truth that you're a daughter of God.

It may seem simple--all the little things you do
But the lives you touch matter so much
And there's no one else like you
And Father needs you to stand tall and faithful
To be all you can be"

I needed that today, everyday.

Being a mom is hard, emotionally, mentally tough.
But this is how I am shaping my world, one child at a time.

What will my fruits be? Will those who see the fruits know that I am a Christian?

Will they know I believe?

Do I know I believe?

YES!

I love patterns...

especially in the Book of Mormon. When I find them, I feel like having a little party for my budding sensitivity! (i will definitely invite the Holy Ghost as the guest of honor!)

So now to the details:

1 Ne 11:1 (how is it that so much can be packed into one little verse?)
For it came to pass after I had desired to know the things that my father had seen, and believing that the Lord was able to make them known unto me, as I sat ^apondering in mine heart I was ^bcaught away in the Spirit of the Lord, yea, into an exceedingly high ^cmountain, which I never had before seen, and upon which I never had before set my foot.

Do you see the pattern?

1. desiring
2. believing
3. pondering
4. the reward--revelation!

Cool, huh?

I know, it is like patterns 101, but I love getting personal revelation where scriptures are concerned.

Now I just need to put it into practice. I was reading more last night, and I came across something that has always bugged me (but I am not going to share that thing with you, no offense). I am putting my pattern to the test. Maybe I will even share my findings (if it doesn't reflect poorly on my spiritual kindergarten-ness. :)

Positive Persistence

I read an email yesterday that talked about "positive persistence." It was referring to offering healthy food to your children, but I thought about it is a more universal light. Just this morning, Lauren threw a fit about the fact that I wouldn't let her eat yogurt raisins on the stairs. The rule in our house is that we eat seated at the table. Just because she doesn't want to do that does NOT mean that the rule needs to be null and void for her. I encountered resistance (duh!), but I need to persist in expecting obedience to the rule. What an basic but essential principle in parenting! Now, if I could just tame my temper...

President Monson

Did he look great today? He looked so calm and kind. He is definitely different than President Hinckley, and I am looking forward to getting to know his personality. I am also very glad that President Eyring is still in the First Presidency. I know it is foolish, but I feel like he is "my" general authority. He came to our Stake Conference the week before he became a counselor to President Hinckley, and I had such a wonderful experience listening to him that I have had a special feeling toward him ever since (you know he was called to the first presidency because of his awesome talks in our stake conference!). I know it is silly, but no biggie!

I was surprised to see Elder Uchtdorf in the First Presidency. It seems to me that they are calling younger members of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles to serve in the First Presidency. I think that part of serving in big, scary callings like those are that of training. President Hinckley and President Monson have so much experience to share with others. It will then be the job of the train-ees to be the trainers. That is the beauty of serving in the church. There is always someone who will share their wisdom with you and someone with whom you can share your experiences as well.

Cool, huh?

No worry!

I have often used the phrase, "no worries," in conversation. But it doesn't really describe me.

I was impressed over this weekend, with the many commentaries on president Hinckley, about his ability to not worry. It was said over and over that he was not one to worry.

I am. Rather, I have been.

I was reading in 1 Nephi tonight, and I noticed a strong thread of worry vs. doubt in Lehi's family. Laman and Lemuel worried about Laban, Nephi did not. They worried about their riches, Nephi saw them as tools to facilitate a miracle. What a difference.

Faith is essential to not worrying. Without faith, we are just wishing that things would work out right. We don't expect miracles without faith, we wish things would turn out better than they do. Faith is the key. Nephi had faith because he had sought the Lord and had been strengthened. Laman and Lemuel didn't even try.

I want to "go forward with faith" and expect miracles. President Hinckley sure did, and he saw plenty of miracles.

It is snowing again!

I love the snow. Still! It has been snowing off and on since Christmas, and I am in seventh heaven! I love looking out my window at the huge flakes coming down. I love driving on a quiet evening when the noises of the cars are drowned out by the dampening effects of the snowfall. I love taking a deep breath of cold air and looking into a crystal dark sky.

I love that I don't have to drive in the snow everyday. I love that I can send my boy to school on foot. I love that Larry got a snowblower so I don't need to shovel (unless I want to).

I just want to make one more observation.

On Friday when I woke up, the snow was coming down like a thick blanket. i was worried to drive to Salt Lake for fear of dangerous road conditions. It wasn't as bad as I thought it might be, but it certainly wasn't clear. Then when I woke up this morning, there was a new layer of snow on the ground and it was coming down so fast! So much snow!! But I think of yesterday, the day of President Hinckley's funeral--the sun was shining, the sky blue, the roads clear. Coincident? I don't think so. The Lord was smiling down on the farewell of this mighty servant. Everyone was able to participate how they wished without road conditions hindering their way. What a simple yet wonderful blessing. God loves his children!

Hinckley Challenge

I got an email about this challenge honoring President Gordon B. Hinckley. I am going to do it as well as put a graph with my progress on this blog (if I can figure it out--if anyone wants to help me, let me know!).

I am grateful for his leadership, and I know he would want us to come closer to the Savior. One way I can do this is by reading Another Testament of Jesus Christ, the Book of Mormon.

Hop on board--let's honor him together!

So many blessings...

The first thing I want to say could be offensive, but it isn't meant to be.

I never wanted to live in Utah.

I was okay with stopping there for a few years for college, but I never envisioned myself actually living there.

I mean, here.

I live in Utah, and I am so glad that I do.

Because I live here, I was able to take my children to pay our respects to a very important man in our lives, President Gordon B. Hinckley.

We waited a long time, and the kids got a little antsy, but it was well worth it.

I saw a man who wore himself out in the service of the Lord. And it seemed to be a privilege, not a sacrifice, for him to do so. It reminded me of the handcart pioneers who wouldn't have traded their sufferings for anything because they truly came to know their God through those heart-wrenching trials.

But an unexpected blessing came immediately after. I was approached by a very nice woman (who I recognized as one of Pres. Hinckley's daughters) who walked straight toward me and thanked me for coming to the viewing. All I could do was dissolve into my tears and try to choke out a thank you to her for sharing her father with the entire world membership of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I felt like I was in the presence of angels, and they weren't all on the other side of the veil.

Today, during the funeral, I found myself again tearing up as I watched the love Pres. Hinckley exuded in every talk, every smile, every wave of that wonderful cane. How privileged I am to have been alive when this "giant of a man" guided this church with such humility, wisdom, faith, and optimism. How blessed I am to have known and loved him. As I said before, I am even more motivated to stand a little taller.

I already miss him, but I know that is a selfish feeling. I cry because I won't see him at the pulpit of the Conference Center, I won't hear another witty remark, I won't feel his powerful testimony of the Savior. But I will remember.

I saw President Monson in a new light today as well. What a loving man with such a daunting task. One could say that he has big shoes to fill, but that is the beauty of the gospel and the priesthood. There is no ambition for power or recognition in the leadership of this church. Those serving are doing so because the Lord has called them. President Monson brings different talents to the table than Pres. Hinckley did, but they are every bit as needed and tailored for this time and these circumstances. I pray that the Lord will strengthen him, and that we will all support and love him in his service.

I am grateful to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I am grateful to be a wife and mother. I am grateful for good lives that lift, motivate, support, and strengthen me. I will miss him, but President Hinckley's legacy will live on as each of us live more like our Savior.

President Hinckley

I am so grateful for the life and testimony of President Gordon B. Hinckley. As Larry told me that he had passed away tonight, I just stood there, unbelieving. I find that in my everyday speech, my prayers, my conversations, my thoughts, he is always there. I love hearing my children pray for him. I love his smiling, faithful, enthusiastic face as he urges us to "stand a little taller." I feel like I know him because I have been touched so deeply by him. I am sure there are people all over the world who feel exactly the same way. I will miss his straight-forward, unapologetically optimistic attitude and his sense of humor. I will miss his insights and wisdom. I know he was a prophet of God, prepared through his life to humbly and willingly lead the church of Jesus Christ. I love him, and I have always looked up to him and his towering example. I will stand a little taller, and I will try a little harder to follow the teachings of this amazing servant of God. I have been so blessed to learn at his feet.

I am grateful...

This won't be a long post, but I have to write something after today. I was asked to help the youth in our ward (church congregation) with a cultural activity which culminated in a performance tonight. I have been gone (from home) a lot for this assignment, and needless to say, my family has missed me. The focus was on gratitude. Our ward's theme was gratitude for obedience. The kids sang an awesome song called O-B-E-Y (sang to the tune of Y-M-C-A). It was a long time coming, but we were able to do a great job. I had a great time with the kids, and that meant a lot to me. But it really hit me when I came home tonight (after being gone since 9 am), and the kids were telling me how much they missed me. I was glad to be able to say that I was obedient to what the bishop had asked of me, and that I was grateful for my obedience. I was able to share with my family that I am grateful for what the Lord asks of me. He's probably saying, "Who'd a thunk it? She sure does complain a lot about what she's asked to do."

He's right. As always.

I do complain a lot. But I am going to try to stand a little taller where this is concerned. I have been given so much: a loving Heavenly Father, a merciful Savior, an adoring husband, wonderful children, a healthy body, and a beautiful world to live in. I am grateful. For a living prophet, for scriptures, for amazing examples of Christ-like living all around me, and so much more.

What are you grateful for?

We love to sled!

So, this is my homage to sledding.

We love to go sledding at the Rock Canyon Bowl, and my pictures are dramatic. You'll have to imagine what it was like because all of the pictures I got were of the inside of my pants pocket. Don't you love it when you can hear the click of your cellphone camera as you are sledding down the hill? I sure do.

Oh, if it could only capture sound...

P.S. In case anyone is wondering, boogie boards make EXCELLENT snow sleds!

Just a little reminder...

I find I always need to be reminded that most people are just regular folks. So often we think that just because they live outside of our skin, they must feel differently than we do. They must not have the struggles we do. Their lives must run so much smoother than ours does.

Well, most people are people just like me.

They love yummy food. They love to laugh. They love to feel happy. They love to feel good about themselves.

It is the simple stuff that makes us alike. The important stuff.

I want to remember that we all want to be happy, and I want to make someone happy every day.

Even if it is only me. :)

I will go, I will do

I was just reading in 1 Nephi 3:7-8 about Nephi's desire to do whatever the Lord would require because he knew He would help him do whatever that was. Of course, that wasn't the only reason Nephi obeyed, it is just a good reason. I am learning to trust the Lord. It seems like one of those lessons we never finish learning. There is always a new level the Lord can take us to in order to help us trust Him. That's mostly a good thing, but sometimes it is a scary thing. Fear isn't good. Fear is the enemy. Fear keeps me from doing some of the most important things I could possibly do. I have lived in fear long enough. Fear, BE GONE!!!

The other thought I have is that in verse 8, Lehi is "exceedingly glad" that his son has learned such an important principle. It got me to thinking about how I am my children's guide and example to learn to know and love and serve their Father in Heaven. My prayers need to focused on how I can guide them in their journey. The reward, then, is joy in their growth and success (and failure-if it leads them to be humble and keep trying). I want to rejoice in my posterity, but that doesn't come without a price. A daily, sometimes mundane, sacrifice and service.

I will go and do just that.